What Is the Dark Night of the Soul? Signs, Meaning and How It Ends

There are seasons when the light you used to feel seems to go out. Prayer feels empty. The things that once gave your life meaning feel far away. You may wonder if you've lost your way, or lost God. If you're in that place, you're not alone, and you're not broken.

What is the dark night of the soul?

The dark night of the soul is a season of deep inner emptiness that often comes during spiritual growth. Old beliefs, identities and sources of comfort fall away before new ones have formed. It can feel like loss, confusion or distance from God, but it is often the part of awakening where the deepest healing happens.

The phrase comes from a poem by the 16th-century Spanish mystic St. John of the Cross. He described it as a night the soul passes through on its way to a deeper union with God. Today people use it for any season when the old way of living dies and the new way hasn't been born yet.

What are the signs of a dark night of the soul?

• Feeling empty where you used to feel full. Practices, people or work that once lit you up now feel flat.
• Feeling far from God or Spirit. Prayer may feel like talking to a wall.
• Losing your sense of who you are. Old roles and identities no longer fit, and new ones haven't arrived.
• Grief without a clear cause. You may grieve old dreams, old relationships or an old version of yourself.
• Old pain resurfacing. Memories and feelings from childhood come back to be felt.
• Questioning everything. Your beliefs about life, love and purpose feel shaken.
• A quiet longing. Underneath it all, part of you is reaching for something truer.

Is the dark night of the soul the same as depression?

Not exactly, but they can look alike and can happen together. A dark night usually carries a sense of meaning underneath the pain, a feeling that something is being cleared away. Depression often feels flat and hopeless, without that thread of meaning, and can make daily life very hard.

You don't have to figure out which one it is on your own. If you feel hopeless for weeks, can't get through your day, or have any thoughts of harming yourself, please reach out to a doctor or licensed mental health professional, or call or text 988 in the US. Spiritual support and medical care can work together.

Why does the dark night of the soul happen?

It often comes after a loss, a divorce, a health scare or a big life change. Sometimes it comes after a season of spiritual opening, as if the soul is clearing space for what's next.

In Spiritual Psychology, we see it as the ego's old strategies for staying safe running out of power. The ways you learned to earn love, avoid pain or stay in control stop working. That can feel like falling apart. It is also what makes room for something more authentic to come through.

How long does the dark night of the soul last?

There's no set timeline. For some people it lasts a few weeks; for others it unfolds over months or longer, often in waves. It tends to ease as you stop fighting it and begin to meet what's surfacing with compassion. Just because you're aware of what's happening doesn't mean it will fall away instantly, and that's okay.

From The Self Love Show

"Just because you're aware of the pattern now doesn't mean it's going to instantly fall away. Give yourself gentleness, kindness and compassion. How we relate to the issue is the issue."

How do you get through the dark night of the soul?

• Stop trying to rush it. Resisting the darkness usually makes it last longer. What you resist persists.
• Keep a small daily practice. Even five minutes of prayer, breath or stillness each morning gives you something steady to return to.
• Let yourself grieve. Name what you're losing. Grief that is felt moves; grief that is pushed down waits.
• Turn toward the younger you. Much of what surfaces is old pain from childhood. Meet it with "I'm right here with you" instead of judgment.
• Practice self-forgiveness. Release the judgments you hold against yourself for being in this place.
• Don't do it alone. A trusted friend, a coach or a counselor can help you see what you can't see from inside the night.

What comes after the dark night of the soul?

Many people describe a quieter, steadier kind of peace on the other side. You may feel more like yourself than you ever have. Relationships, work and choices start to reflect who you really are rather than who you learned to be. The light returns, but it comes from inside now rather than from outside approval.

If this season is also changing your relationships, read Why Do Relationships Change or End During a Spiritual Awakening?

Is the dark night of the soul part of a spiritual awakening?

Often, yes. It's sometimes called the hardest stage of awakening, the part where old pain and grief surface before integration. You can read more about the other stages, and why awakening can feel like anxiety or depression, in Spiritual Awakening Symptoms.

If the darkness is also keeping you up at night, you may find comfort in Spiritual Awakening and Anxiety at Night.

How can a Spiritual Life Coach help during a dark night of the soul?

As a Spiritual Life Coach and Spiritual Psychology Coach, I help you understand what's surfacing, find where the old patterns began and meet those parts of you with compassion. We open and close each session with prayer, and we move at the pace your heart and nervous system can hold. I work with women and men in Santa Rosa, across Sonoma County, and online by Zoom.

Frequently asked questions

Can you have more than one dark night of the soul?
Yes. Many people move through more than one in a lifetime, often during big transitions. Each one tends to open you a little deeper.

What should you not do during a dark night of the soul?
Try not to make huge decisions out of panic, numb yourself to avoid the feelings, or judge yourself for being there. Gentleness helps more than force.

Does the dark night of the soul mean God has left you?
Many people feel that way, but spiritual traditions describe it the opposite way: as a time when you are being drawn closer, beyond the old ways you knew how to feel God.

If you're in the middle of a dark night and want someone beside you, book your free Soul Aligned Call. It's a 15-minute phone call to talk about what you're going through and whether working together feels right.

For something to hold onto each morning, Calling in the Light, my morning practice membership, offers guided prayers and practices for $22 a month. Join Calling in the Light

And if old patterns in love are part of what is surfacing for you, Holy Relationship Codes of Love is my guided audio course for women, for healing the pattern underneath who you choose, how you love and what you allow. It's $47, one time, and yours to keep. Begin Holy Relationship Codes